No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
