Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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