i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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