"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
