3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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