I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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