her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
