very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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