You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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