Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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