8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
