Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
