Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
