I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize