I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
