I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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