your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
