Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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