Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize