I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
