I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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