break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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