a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
