So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
