Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
