her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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