woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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