This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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