you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
