There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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