so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize