i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
