it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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