you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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