tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
