DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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