I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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