Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
