I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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