just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
