she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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