The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
