I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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