dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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