If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
