My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
