You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
