My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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