So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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