two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
