I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
