I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's the barista slut.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
