I skipped work to stalk him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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