You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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