I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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