Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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