i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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