Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sober January is a disaster.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
