God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
