i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
