Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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