How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
