I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
