day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Less talking, more tequila
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
