we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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