i would punch a child for taco bell
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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