never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
