if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
