Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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