I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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