So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
